10 Things: Self-Reflection

Several of my friends have put up blog posts lately listing 10 things most people don't know about them. Most of the lists have included hidden emotions, former political leanings, weaknesses, fears, and old stories. After reading a few, I decided to twist the idea a bit. I decided to make a list of 10 things I didn't know about myself before I came to South Africa. Beware, this contains more emotional drivel than my usual entries, so if you don't want to hear me talk about "Me, me, ME!", you might want to skip this entry.

1. I am very independent. When I first mentioned to people that I was coming to South Africa, many were aghast that I would go somewhere so far away, essentially by myself. Then in a discussion with a couple of my housemates about first impressions of one another, several people said they could tell in the first couple of days that I'm very independent. That gave me pause, because I had never really considered that to be one of my traits. On further inspection, however, I began to see what they meant. I don't follow the herd to drinking parties or common visit points. I'm content to go church-shopping by myself, join groups with no other members my age, discover new places and activities on my own, or stay behind and entertain myself when people are doing things that don't interest me.

2. I don't hate cooking. Wait, don't jump on this as a sudden interest in domestic arts! I realized since I got here that I can cook and I am even willing to do so. The thing I actually don't like is doing the dishes after I cook. I know that if I cook I'll have to wash pans and plates and utensils, and I'd rather avoid that, so I avoid cooking in the first place. But cooking itself isn't so bad.

3. I'm firmly rooted. I realize that this sentence seems to be missing the prepositional phrase "in..." But I'm not simply rooted in one thing. I have deep connections, unrecognized before, to my church and the community in my hometown, to my family, to my friends both at school and at home, to my church and the organizations I work for at school, and to my beliefs. When I first arrived and was immensely homesick, when everything else seemed swept away by distance and time, I relied on my faith and knew I would be OK because I still felt connected in some strange way.

4. I take action on my passions. When I arrived in Cape Town, I saw a span of nearly five months stretched before me with no time commitments besides classes and no pressure to fulfill expectations on me. I was free to use my time as I pleased. I was a bit surprised to find that, despite having complete freedom of choice in the matter, many of the things I chose to spend my time on here are things I spend my time on in the States as well. I became active in a church and a Bible Study group, started volunteering with an organization working to alleviate poverty and improve educational opportunities, developed regular attendance of poetry readings, and spent my remaining time traveling and relaxing with friends. Even 9000 miles away from my usual activities, I still got involved in similar things: exploring my faith, serving others, supporting the arts, traveling, and building relationships.

5. I love academics! Yes, I'm a nerd, and I can admit it. I enjoy excellent, thought-provoking lectures and discussions. I frequently enjoy reading academic journals and I get excited when I get to write a paper about a topic that interests me. When my classmates let their classes slide because their grades don't transfer, I worked just as hard because, I realized, I enjoy doing it.

6. I'm OK with ordinary. Many of my housemates here are political science majors who dream of being elected to office someday. I realized, in listening to their ambitions, that I don't exactly agree. While I am willing to work hard and like to achieve, I don't set my sites on fame, wealth, or power. My heroes aren't usually the people in the spotlight; I have always looked up to the people in my life who loved and challenged me. I want to emulate the people who have inspired me: my parents, my teachers, the people in my life who work hard and serve the people around them. I am content with a small existence. I just want to be remembered someday as a person who loved and served God and the people around me.

7. I have neat-freak tendencies. I know this is shocking, but try not to fall out of your computer chair, I wouldn't want you to get hurt. I have discovered, in living in a house with 12 people, that I get frustrated by mess and clutter. I can handle disorganized piles of paper on desks, but I find it enormously annoying when dirty dishes pile up for days, when the garbage can spills over, and when the surfaces are all stained and sticky. I find people who lose things constantly to be incredibly irresponsible. The pervasive smell of smoke in the house next door would be totally unacceptable if I lived there. I can't stand it when a bedroom floor is covered with clothes and papers spilled everywhere. I usually consider myself a somewhat messy person, but I have discovered that I am neater and less tolerant of mess than I previously realized.

8. I want to be a poet. I have attempted to write poetry since I was 10 years old. It has never been great, and I've never had the courage to share my poems with anyone. Yet attending poetry readings for the last 4 months has inspired me to keep writing and trying to improve. Poetry is an incredibly beautiful form of self-expression. I have always loved playing with words, and poetry is a perfect vehicle for that. I actually got up the courage to read a few poems in front of people this week, albeit under the impression that if I failed I could avoid the people/place for the rest of my life. I actually enjoyed it. I now intend to keep writing, perhaps more seriously.

9. I can... I am more capable than I ever imagined. I have discovered that I can do a vast assortment of things, given proper instruction and provided that I don't think about failing. I am by no means infallible or indestructable, I have failed and I will continue to fail throughout my life. But there are a huge number of things that I can do.

10. I'm motivated. I set my mind on something, I set goals, and then I get to work achieving them. I wanted to come to Africa, so I did the researched, did the paperwork, and came. I wanted to complete my senior capstone doing a service-learning project while abroad, which I don't think anyone has done before, so I simply talked to people and made the arrangements to get it done. I want to go to seminary, so I have started working on applications, even while I'm on another continent. Right now, however, I'm hungry and I'm excited to go enjoy the spring sunshine, so I'm going to go find something to eat and have a picnic outside!